day 11

It's difficult for me to determine the cause of anxiety among many of these clients. Is it the HIV or something else in their lives totally unrelated? The stress of HIV definitely contributes, though some of these people could have been highly stressed before. Some of them are very difficult people and it makes working through the public assistance system very challenging at times. Nobody likes to deal with difficult people. But, on the other hand, there are many caring individuals out there who are willing to help. Not everybody, though. 

The fact that public funding for many services once available to those suffering from AIDS doesn't exist any longer does not make it any easier on these people, or those trying to help them. I have noticed a deterioration in the quality of some of their lives. Several have died in the interim. Not necessarily a direct causal relationship, but you gotta wonder what impact the increased difficulty in getting by played. 

No more food banks. No more massages. Help with finding employment? It's all pretty daunting. And this city does not make it very easy. Other cities do it better. One entity that handles it all: rent and utility assistance, medical needs, etc. Here, you have to know where to go. 

Massage #31

I remember this client from before. He was always actively employed. Very alert and aware and engaging. Not anymore. He's out of work now. And life is hitting him harder. After all, as he told me, being able to get some food for free from time to time could help a great deal. Now there's nothing. He also used to be a regular for massages. As with many others, the massages are very helpful to them. Few of them have any financial resources to even go to the massage schools to receive massages from the students. 

Massage #32

This is a seemingly normal guy. Special talents, education, also a highly intense individual who given a certain combination of medications could get a little crazy. Somebody you'd like to steer clear of. 

Another sufferer of neuropathy in the feet. He describes it as its feeling like "you're walking on broken glass." My applying a lot of pressure on his feet "feels great" he said. He has a lot of experience with many medications. Not a stupid guy.  But vain, yes, about his body. Lots of weight lifting. Steroids, testosterone. Made him crazy. Or as he said, he wasn't "pleasant to be around." What a surprising sense of self-awareness, I thought. 

My eyes were tearing up during this massage. This guy is so wound up, so intense, so conflicted, in so much pain emotionally and mentally and physically to a degree.Obssesive compulsive for sure. His body fat was down to 11% -- he was actually burning up muscle from working out so much. Jesus, what keeps someone like this from killing themselves?

I recommended yoga and meditation. 

Massage #33

Older man, resident here at the facility. Pleasant old guy. Also neuropathy of the feet. In his case, instead of it feeling like walking on broken glass, the bottom of his feet feels like ants crawling all over them. Or as he put it in spanish, "hormigas." I couldn't understand much of what he said in english or spanish. 

On a later massage, I noticed many crude tatoos all over his body. Usually a sign of having been in prison. I asked him what he was in prison for and he told me when he was 15 he shot a guy, in Chicago. Over money.